Hello again, My Friends!
Divorce, and the precursors to it, are harbingers of pockets of time, and while I used to lament that there were never enough hours in the day, I find that the long Summer months are fraught with it, along with my other nemesis – loneliness.
Time used to be spent on familiar tasks, the day-to-day grind, that took up all the valuable seconds to make life – life. As a stay-at-home mom, I ran a tight ship of routine. Up at 6 a.m. Make a pot of coffee. Get the kids going to school. Take care of the bills, the budget, the shopping, the errands, appointments, cleaning, cooking, family dinner, evening activities, bedtime, then spend a few precious moments on the extra for me. On top of all that, I spent every second and all day with someone else. He was my everything – my partner. Much more than my other half, he was my other whole, someone I could depend on. It was nice to have the company that I could count on no matter what. Even when we fought, we couldn’t stand to be apart.
But now that my husband is gone, I find myself feeling my loneliness. School is out for Summer and so is the routine. The kids are older now, so they all have their own lives and interests. They are full-fledged people after all. There is no reason to be up at 6 and the kids get confused if I mention bedtime (“But it’s Summer”). And I, without my other whole, am alone. I no longer have my person propping me up or cheering me on. I pour coffee for one instead of two.
At first, I found myself consumed with the silence. I would sit and worry. I would wallow. I know that I can’t go back to a toxic relationship, and I don’t want to, that door is closed and bolted, but it’s hard to not have my person anymore.
At first, I started filling my time with hand crafts, decluttering, cleaning, fidgeting, but they only took up a few minutes in an otherwise empty day. Then I began to realize that I could spend my time doing what I wanted to do, I just had to figure out what that something is.
So, I have started filling my time with projects and activities. I take the kids places – like the lake or the pool – things there was never time for before. Activities kill some time, but there is more to spare. So, now I am looking into things that I enjoy doing -like singing- to fill in the gaps when the kids want space to live themselves.
My latest endeavors I have decided to incorporate into my new open schedule are reading, reorganizing my house, and future planning. My best friend and her daughter are avid readers, so I took advantage and asked for some book recommendations. This was a highly fruitful idea, as I have now been lent a rather large stack of books that I look forward to reading. Maybe I’ll blog about the books I am reading as I go through them.
My house organization is on track nicely. I am desperately afraid of becoming a hoarder, so anytime I see a pile of things, I go through and get rid of it. Hoarding is a mental illness and can be triggered by major life stressors – such as divorce – and just the thought terrifies me. I doubt I am really at risk of becoming a hoarder since I am more of a minimalist at heart. The first time my friend Heather came over, she asked if we were just moving in – we had been in our home for over a year and were fully unpacked. I just don’t like a lot of stuff laying around. I have never really been the sentimental type. I don’t collect things, and I can’t really dust – so no knickknacks for me, but I know I have to have balance. So, I am working on making my home – homey. I want a comfortable and beautiful space, and I may not have the elbow grease to do it alone, but I can piece it together with my kids and it can be ours.
My future is looking bright too. I have taken an active and detailed look into my finances and am budgeting accordingly. I am working on my long-term goals and my savings, and I have decided to return to school to finish my degree. I have been going over my college transcripts and have made an appointment to meet with a faculty advisor to develop an educational plan to keep me on track. I have always loved school, so it makes sense to put some time into finishing what I started so long ago, especially now that the kids are older and there isn’t quite as much to do now that the diapers have all been changed and the toddlers have all been chased. School won’t be a distraction; it will be a passion again. I’ll have something that I can sink my teeth into that won’t stay on my waistline to be worked off at the gym.
Speaking of the gym, I am also actively working on my health. I am eating mindfully and exercising regularly. I have been walking, but there is also a gym near my house that would allow me to mix in some weight training to my cardio routine. My health is so important to me. I have three kids depending on me to be my best and healthiest self. It’s a lot of pressure, but I know I can rise up to the challenge to set the best example for them.
I am slowly filling up my calendar with life, hobbies, and interests. I am pursuing my passions and seeking my calling. I am living with Gratitude, Love, and Opportunity.
I really am enjoying the GLO.
How about you? How do you handle major life transitions? Leave me a message in the comments below.
As always, my friends, Enjoy the GLO!
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