It happens.
Once day you are blissfully married and everything seems like it is going well, the next minute you are having the worst day of your life, and your marriage is over.
My marriage ended brutally on June 6, 2024.
It was a new moon and the one-year anniversary of a horrible day. It loomed over me as it approached, like an axe, heavy and waiting. The fruit it bore left a bitter taste at first but seem to have a sweet finish.
If you can read between the lines, you know that something bad happened.
Now, I am living life in a different way. I am a single mom again. My marriage is over, and I am better off. Sure, it isn’t easy, but nothing good is ever easy, and who wants it to be easy anyway.
Finding myself after a long venture into a different sort of life left me lost and unsure. I took solace and comfort in friends, and am slowly remembering who I am, what I want, and of what I am capable.
It started with my interests. I am a talented singer. I am a writer. I love good skin care and doing my makeup. These are things I knew but had lost sight of in myself. I enjoy painting, day trips, and spending time with my kids.
It is funny how we put personal exploration aside and allow things that used to be core to ourselves to the side for other people. No one is guilty of depriving me of anything, I did it to myself. I put myself on the shelf, on the back burner, but it is time to take the center stage again.
I have started this endeavor by going out and singing Karaoke in a fun little dive bar in town. My best friend found the spot and it’s really great. They have Karaoke five nights a week. There is a nice little crowd of talented singers and kind souls, and the best part is that they will let me sing as much as I want without judgement. I don’t even have to drink. I just love to sing.
I like to people watch at the bar. These are good people, all there with the same goal: to have fun. These people could be my friends. If I go with any consistency, they just might be, and that would be cool.
I haven’t felt real human connection in a long time. That might seem strange, but in this post-covid world, I found I had self-isolated to the nth degree. I don’t even go grocery shopping in a world where I can get it delivered and can’t even be bothered to wait in line anymore to buy things.
The last one isn’t totally true. I broke that habit by forcing myself to stand in line to buy a new dress at Ross the other day. I almost couldn’t do it, stand in line for 20 minutes to buy a new dress, but stayed strong in the face of what had previously been insurmountable for me. It was mildly uncomfortable, but luckily I had support there too.
But my new dress and my 3-song line up and my day trips to the lake have shown me that I am capable of much more than I gave myself credit for and that I am worthy of loving myself.
I am pretty great.
I like me.
I am so thankful for the love and support of my friends and family. I am grateful for their patience and understanding. I am grateful for their support and dedication to helping me find myself again. I am grateful for their love when I find it hard to love myself. Mostly I am grateful for the encouragement and reminder that I am worthy of love.
Everyone deserves love, and I am a person who deserves love too.
So, how about you? What are some ways you push yourself to be a little better? How do you pursue your interests in this new landscape of technology and social distance? Leave me a comment below!
And as always, my friends, Enjoy the GLO!
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