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Sometimes I just get mad.

Maybe you said something I didn’t like that hurt me. Maybe I was a bit unreasonable and you snapped at me. Maybe we were inconsiderate of each other. Whatever the reason, now I’m mad.

I used to use angry words. Say things that were cruel. I used to hurt you, then you’d get mad and you would hurt me too. we would go back and fourth, then until we were destroyed.

I don’t want to do that anymore.

I don’t want to be that person.

Because that person isn’t kind. That person is unhappy. That person doesn’t always love you or me the way that we deserve.

The first step in my changing attitude was to stop fighting about the past. This is not always easy. We have things in our past that rip their nails down my back and rip me open until my lungs burn and are exposed to the sky. I am an inferno. Not a spark, not an ember, I am a blaze. Things only time will tell if I can forgive you for, and you too have a laundry list of crimes with my fingerprints. So we try to get around them…by ignoring them. We never discuss them because it would mean our death maybe. Maybe we are too scared to find out. So we just keep on. Hopefully with enough time and no more repeating of the bad things, we will scar. But I’m worried.

Step two. When you hurt me, I can’t hurt you back. I have to sit with it. Then I have to address your actions in the context of the present only. There can be no long list of charges. We have to deal only with what we have done now. I have to tell you that I am hurt. You have to not want do it again, and then we have to not repeat the same pattern.

I saw a list called rules of fair fighting. But in a fight, there is no fair. It’s me versus you. We are supposed to be on the same team, now we are adversaries. Even if we manage to follow the rules, as long as there is a fight, it’s not gonna be fair.

I don’t want a fight, fair or otherwise, I just don’t want to fight. So we will deal with one issue at a time. We won’t raise our voices if we can help it, and we will remember we are on the same team.

In the end, I hope that we will be happy with the team on which we play. The only way we can continue to play the game is if we are a team. Life seems to be a team sport. And when we aren’t using angry words, we are the perfect teammates.